gajahsemut on Xanga

The ups and downs of a Scorpio domestic engineer

Friday, 20 March 2009

for sale

i have ventured into something new and i have these pieces of materials that i'd like to sell. have a look and see, the prices stated are for 4m. sorry but at the moment it's self collection only because i constantly move between KL and JB.

click at the pics to see a bigger version.

thanks for looking!

these are kasa rubiah, rm110 for 4m

this is cotton with embellishments, rm 100 for 4m

this is cotton rm 90 for 4m


this is kasa rubiah rm 90 for 4m

these are all japanese cotton rm 75 for 4m.

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

confrontation

i know i've been a bit moody these past couple of days, and when i asked chip, he said yes, i have been annoying.

i have been annoying!

and i know this for a fact because i myself feel that i've been annoying haha. and i get angry at him for no reason at all. yesterday i probably got close to yelling. but i didn't lah. crazy yo! sebelum ni pun adalah sikit2, but these past few days memang sudah agak mental ye kanak2.

chip said, "nasib baik i dah pandai tepis debish debish" hahaha.

sometimes i pity the guy lah. he's so patient. it's not that i am trying to test his patience, but then again, i can't help it. it's not me doing all the things, it the brain. blame it on the hormones. blame it blame it!

shera will definitely say that i am annoying. ditto to her times infinity.

i also found out that a friend may have manic depression. i wish i could do something to help her, but i am unable to. so all i can say is, i'm here if you need me.

and a whole lotta people are going through hard times right now. i hope Allah gives them and us the strength to get through these times. may we all see a brighter future ahead.

i'm having a farewell party this sunday. for myself. kesian kan, kene buat party sendiri. just shows how much we *mean* to this community.

can't wait to be home.

Monday, 20 October 2008

haih

nak balik.taknak balik.nak balik.taknak balik.nak balik.taknak balik.

haih.

did u used to do that when making choices?using your fingers, the decision that landed on the last pinkie was the final decision.tapi stupid kan, if you start with A, you'll end with B, and if you start with B you end with A. i found that out LATE haha. so stupid masa kecik2 dulu.

anyways, yesterday, well last night, i couldn't sleep because i was feeling bitter. bitter because i was partly sad, as i was suddenly thinking about little thing, and then i was bitter because on FB someone was very happily saying how she's glad that the first trimester was over. so i got very emotional last night. and thus i couldn't sleep. by the time i conked out, it was already 4.am.

but don't feel sorry for me. i don't want you to.

i guess it never really goes away lah. i mean i was thinking about how it would have been 11 weeks now and all that. maybe if it was our 2nd or 3rd, the feelings wouldn't have been so intense.

and i was feeling how it wasn't fair because the particular person, although muslim, doesn't really practice a good muslim life, and i'm not saying that i am a good muslim, because to me i am far from it, but ntah. maybe God is trying to tell me something.i know i still have a lot of flaws because i can still feel bitter. ha, if my iman was so strong, i wouldn't have felt bitter, right?

i mean,i redha and all that, but sometimes it just gets to me.and then it goes away. :D

or maybe it's PMS?

and i have a cold. a bad, nasty cold which could have contributed to the emotional-ness of the night.

anyways, good lucklah ye to the person mentioned above. i hope you have a very happy life.

Friday, 17 October 2008

yeay yeay!

lagi dua minggu nak balik!!

in exactly 2 fridays, at this time, 650am, i shall be leaving Manchester for good ol KL.

tak sabarnya rasa!! :D :D McD Big Breakfast, Penang Mari and Otai burger, here I come!

*drool*

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

What I am going to miss.

Going back in a few weeks, I am slowly but surely thinking about how I am going to miss certain aspects of Manchester, and UK. When I go out to do some last minute shopping, I soak in the sights and sounds of the people around me and as much as I want to leave, I so badly want to stay.

These past few days, my sugar levels have been going down immensely since now I'm not pregnant, I have to do another round of testing insulin units to make sure I am getting just the right units to not make me hypo. Being hypo is no fun. I nearly fainted one time because it was too low. So now my new best friend is Muller yoghurts. But as much as I want to eat the low fat ones, I can't because none of them is vegetarian. So I turn to Muller fruit corners which are oh-so-yummy. It's basic natural yoghurt, but you can add the stuff in its 'corner', which are usually fruits or mini chocolate or vanilla balls :D I love ALL the corners and right now Aldi is selling them for 40p each so I as much as I want to stock up, I can't coz of space issues. hehe. I wonder if I can put them in my hold baggage hehe.. agak2 basi tak?

Another thing is, since I moved to Old Trafford, I am loving the chicken nuggets and beef burger from pizza bravo hehe.. Although I think when I go back to Malaysia, I will NOT miss them because of the abundance of burgers that can be found in Malaysia... ooh.. I can taste Otai burger already...

I am also going to miss how cheap Fish Fingers are here.. kat Malaysia macam mahal.

I am also going to miss being a minority. Although in Manchester you aren't exactly a minority sebab oh-sangat-ramainya orang Malaysia di sini. I think there are about 500 students in Uni Manc alone. But because Manchester is made up of different people from all over the world, when you go to town u are just another face in the crowd. And I like that about Manchester because it means that I can look at people without them noticing that I am actually looking at them. And the fashion styles associated with Mancunians are pretty cool at that. Best tgk what the people are wearing these days.

Manchester is also not as crowded as London. London is TOO CROWDED oh-my-God ramai sangat manusia kalau hari Sabtu tu macam naik rimas aku. I get sick just by walking to the tube station. But we haven't done the London thing, which I am kinda bummed about. But oh well, maybe there'll be a next time.

OH AND I AM SO GOING TO MISS CAR BOOT SALES!

AND SALES SALES!Where I can get a top for 2 pounds or a pair of nice shoes for 5 pounds. :(

Thursday, 09 October 2008

u never know unless you try

ha so this website is giving free bags as part of their promotion:

http://www.handbagplanet.com

check it out!
although

i say i love huggable men, i am secretly drawn to skinny,not so tall guys.

eh, secretly ke? i married one kut! hehehehehe... but seriously all my life i had always wished for a guy yang boleh peluk2 gitu.

but i guess God had other plans for me. and boy, am i glad he did.

never would I have found someone more perfect than who i have now. the guy who would be willing to go to the ends of the earth for me. and the recent experience has never made me realize that even more. i mean, who else would bersengkang mata (well, takde lah sangat) but would drop everything to make sure that i get what i want?

and these days when i am always hypo-ing, he always has a choc bar handy. yes2 although i am not supposed to eat chocolate while pantang (eh ye ke) it's better than having coke, right?

kesian tgk dia kadang2. what with his thesis lagi, nak carik kerja lagi. i hope God rewards him accordingly. nasib diala dapat wife byk masalah cenggini hehe lol.

to the one and only, who only reads my blog occasionally, i love you infinity times over.

Monday, 06 October 2008

little thing

i really miss you.
taken from my fb notes...very explicit!

a missed miscarriage means that the foetus has died inside your womb and has to be expelled in 1 of 3 ways - naturally, with the help of medication to induce or d&c. there is no real reason why the baby dies inside,although it is said that during the conception period, there might be a mix of faulty chromosomes or a mismatch of some kind.

after being pregnant for 2 months, and waiting 3 1/2 years prior to that, miscarrying was the last thing on the mind. after being told the devastating news, we were quite numb at first and having gone through the options, i decided to do what i did best - shopping!i mean, the foetus was already gone and there was nothing we could do about it. retail therapy seemed to be the best option.

so after coming to terms with having to choose an option, we decided to try the natural method 1st, which involved waiting for the foetus to come out by itself. the pain involved with that is something that i would not want to wish upon my worst enemy. it is a time where all your thoughts go to the Almighty, hoping that He could save you from the pain.

in Malaysia, they will always give you d&c as the best option, but since i had some other complications associated with a d&c, we decided to try this one first. the natural way is obviously the safest way, but ONLY try it if you have a high pain threshold. at first there will be a pain similar to a period pain, or stomach cramps if you will, and there WILL be blood. lots of it. not for the faint hearted either. and when the little foetus makes its way down, the PAIN is nothing you can ever imagine. people have compared it to the pain of giving birth without epidural, if you can imagine. but IT IS painful. i was holding chip's hand for dear life and was screaming for paracetamol at 4 in the morning, like a mad woman ranting!i only fell asleep as an effect of the paracetamol,otherwise i could not have slept a wink.

the next morning i felt stuff down there which turned out to be bits of stuff from the foetus. which got me scared stiff. and the amount of bleeding was tripling and suddenly it just came out!looking at it was a really sad time for both me and chip because it was looking at what might have been. but nothing could be done anymore so we cleaned it up, wrapped it in my favourite hanky and proceeded to bury it in the back garden of kak hanee's house.

throughout this experience, i realized that i could not have done it had i not have chip by my side at ALL times.ever since i found out i was pregnant, chip has been my rock, getting me whatever i want whenever i want it. and these days after the miscarriage, he has been equally sweet. he even got me a little present to remember our little baby by.

and that is my experience dealing with a miscarriage. we are both fine now, because of the strong support system both here and back home. :D

sorry if i grossed you out!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
last night, i realized what makes my floodgates open.

the fact that before this, for the past month, i have been talking to little thing every night without fail, reciting surahs and ayats before i go to sleep and leaving the digital quran on for it to listen to, and now it's like i have nothing to talk to, no reason to hold my womb until i go to sleep,makes me really sad.

why do i feel this way?
my heart controls my mind...

Friday, 26 September 2008

I carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

E.E Cummings
A Raya Entry

well sort of.

just wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone selamat hari raya aidilfitri and maaf zahir batin. if there were any wrongdoings in the past, kira 0-0 lah okay. kalau taknak kira 0-0, let me know and i will think of another way to ask for forgiveness :D

this is the 2nd raya that me and chip will be spending in UK, but this year hopefully will be more meriah due to the fact that we have more friends.

who am i kidding?

there is no better way to spend raya than with your loved ones, family. i miss the time when raya was all about being with mum and dad, and the little rugrats a.k.a siblings. when we were back in kelantan (although tiap2 tahun aku jugak yang kene vaccuum, sapu etc) tunggu orang datang and bergaduh who'd want to layan the budak2 that came to the house especially sbb nak duit raya je. sometimes rasa macam nak tutup je rumah tu and pretend takde orang haha.

or staying in tropicana after ayah dah takde and having food spread from one end of the table to the other end, aircond bukak, lampu bukak and all the cousins coming round and by 4 pm sumer dah terbongkang atas sofa, in the guest room, upstairs on the couch, dalam bilik. because makan byk sangat. mum's food was always the best anyways.

or going back to terengganu, which was a totally different experience altogether. siapa sampai dulu dapat bilik aircond, which was always a dream of mine, tapi tak dapat because we always sampai last. tapi naik aeroplane. and pagi raya after settling at home pegi tour satu KT makan and more makan (nasi lemak kukus best woo) and also my MIL's nasi daganglah. u can't beat that. i have become very picky about nasi dagang since i got married to chip. then anak2 sedara (12 okay!) sumer beratur mintak duit raya. bukan tunggu orang kasik, but mintak. and actually hold the sampul to the light to make sure got duit. kids nowadays.

yup2..this year raya will be different again. hopefully next year we'll get to spend raya with the family. but who knows? for now i'm looking forward to spending aidiladha with the family, although it's not really a raya.you know what i mean.

baju kurung pun sekarang muat ngam2 je.so taklehlah makan byk. uwaa!

so again, SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!have a safe trip home-wherever that may be.

love,
hanie